you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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