We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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