Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
