just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
