so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
