i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
