Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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