Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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