I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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