i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
vagina is talking i cant
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
