i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
