I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My penis needs a shock collar
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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