giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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