Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
