I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
