Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
