god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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