Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
