I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
