i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Operation Purity has been aborted
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
did i walk over a car last night?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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