Whod you bang
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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