How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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