Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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