Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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