Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
