He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
