I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I have post one night stand depression
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