Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
