I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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