just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
