I think i peed on brittanys purse
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
