what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
