Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
