I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
They have beer where we have blood.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
