Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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