I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
