im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
