Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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