your parents love me but you hate me
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
