Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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