so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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