you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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