so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
