So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
