i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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