i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
