i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
