So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
