When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
