My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
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He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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