Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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