What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
