12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
