I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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