I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We are two peas in an std pod
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
